morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
