Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize