Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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