I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
