Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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