Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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