apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize