im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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