I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
