These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
