my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
