2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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