make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
