i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
