and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
