Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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