u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
