if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
