I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
