you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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