I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
