Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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