I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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