if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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