he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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