I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
