the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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