her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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