apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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