Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
