Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
