Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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