He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
