So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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