This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she peed on how many people?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
