hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
