Screwed.edu
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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