I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
