babies were throwing up all over the place
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
