so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
