Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
