HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
