so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize