Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
