no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
