You smell like stripper and shame
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
