...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
