is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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