It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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