Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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