dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
