He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm too high and old for this...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
