Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
