I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
