No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
