She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
