So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
