Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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