sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
