M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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