Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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