oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
