So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
