All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
