You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
