also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize