Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
