i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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