seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize