I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
