my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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