Don't you send me to vm
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
not ubering you a puppy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
