Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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