I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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