I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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