I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
