It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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