My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
