everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
