thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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