rhymes with "ouble enetration"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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