About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
