im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
