3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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