Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
