Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
