Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize