1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
