So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
