you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Boobs are out for the taking
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
