Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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