The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize