do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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