dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
