i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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