All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I understand Curling. That high.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
