it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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