i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
