A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
