went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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