It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
