If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
