He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
