When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
