i think i have two assholes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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