What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
