only if we run a train.
done.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
