Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
